Psychological Vents...

In a society where vulnerability is most often taken as a sign of weakness, I want to be able to wear my heart on my T's every once in a while... Being constantly cold is eating me up inside... I want to be able to tell others my fears without the risk out them being used against me, I want to scream from the rooftops that I fear failure, disappointing my family and ending up alone more than anything... I'm tired of keeping my guard up constantly and getting others before they get me... I want to spill my soul on a page for the world to see with no regrets... My empathy and sensitivity are needed for my future field of work, but it's hard to foster them while trying to keep the electrical fences around my mushy parts working... I'm just tired... It's been said that Libras need emotional connections and I'm starting to think that's true, even though I hate to admit it... I must find more people that hold my interests... I'm really starting to consider that book...

~Boogie~

Introspection is a Double Edged Sword, and I Think I Cut Myself...

I started classes last tuesday, and in my first class, Theories of Personality Development, I was given the hardest assignment of my academic career... 25 page research article had nothing on this seemingly simple task... I was asked to write a 4 page autobiography... I know your like WTF that's dumb easy, well it isn't for someone who spends way too much time dissecting the intricacies of her own life... I know introspection is needed but only to a certain point, and I passed that sucker about two years ago... Coming to college I got to spend an absurd amount of time alone, which I love because I've spent my entire life around my family but from that solitude came questions that I couldn't answer myself outright... The more inquiries I made the deeper into my own psyche I went, probably further than i should have gone but I love finding the bases of behaviors... There are some truths I hope to forget soon and some falsehoods I'm amazed I've maintained so long,all in all there really isn't much I'm willing to share... Especially with my Psych Professor via a simple writing assignment... My fears are what motivate me, but I realize I'm the only person holding me back... Time to take down the barbed wire fences and cage the wild boars surrounding myself...The ones around my heart can stay for now... I've yet to find a guy that could weather my, lets just say, multifaceted personality without giving up because "I'm too difficult"... If I was easy I'd be just like the birds I come across daily, on the pursuit of platinum plated bullshit instead of golden souls shining through innocent yet pain filled brilliant brown eyes (Like these)... Fancy cars overshadow minds that can twist the worlds languages into the most beautifully woven tapestries man has never seen, hidden in earthbound angels... Damn I'm rambling... I need to go study something...
I'm on the Pursuit of Happiness
~Boogie~

I know some pretty awesome people...

...Just got this via aim
"do you know you will find your moon?"
I been feeling really basement as of late (props to Miss K for the lingo)... Basically feelin' like I'm inclined to spend the rest of my life dating idiots who aren't worth their weight in roofing tar while daydreaming of gorgeous intellectuals that ride in on enchanted pens and steal me away...I digress, but this simple sentence just BOOSTED MINE(saw dudes saying this shit on facebook and thought it was the funniest thing)...It rekindled my patience for finding what I need, which is hopefully the same as what I want but who knows...This life thing is confusing and my personality goes in more directions than Fabolous' teeth (I kid, I kid)... This journey should be fun...Signed the cynical, goofy, Jay-Z hating New Yorker, with a heart of gold and expression of stone...
Yeah
Thanks Jason
~Boogie~

Birthdays, Funerals and Everything In Between...

July 11, 1910-August 18, 2009.
You were supposed to live forever,
Like childhood memories, and my favorite song...
Momma T, My great grandmother, the most
Influential person in my life, I miss you...
I know your at peace now, but i wish it didn't hurt so bad
In your 99 years you touched the lives of more people than
I ever realized, I only knew you for 18, but honestly I
Wouldn't be who I am today without you, none of us would,
How different will my Niece and Nephew's lives be from Jason's?
I thought I wouldn't have the strength to see you like that, or
Set foot in the house, let alone the room you left us in,
Which happens to be mine... I surprised myself,
I've been in home a full day and haven't shed a tear until I
Began writing this...
I have no idea how I will piece back my shattered reality
with such a large part missing... I promise to try my hardest.
My first tattoo will be in your honor, no fancy scripts, banners
Or artwork... Just two simple words...
Live Forever
Because you will in the hearts of your friends and family.
I know Pop Pop and Grandma waited a long time to see you,
Tell them I said Hi and
I Love You

Mes Cheveux

Anyone that knows me knows that my hair is not one of my main focuses in life, I mean most often it's in a slicked back curly ponytail that becomes a fuzzball by the end of the day which is fine with me, I'm not too vain in that aspect... As of late I have begun to take better care of my hair thanx to youtube and the wonderful women therein... But the wonderful world of college has opened my eyes to peoples opinions on Black women wearing their naturally curly hair without a relaxer (perm) or texturizer of some sort... In the land of the clones aka my school I see a few naturals but the overwhelming majority of the females I encounter during my day are relaxed... I have no issue with relaxed hair, my two oldest sisters are relaxed, but I take issue with people, male and female that poke fun at women who chose to wear their hair the way it grows out of their heads... I can't tell you how many times I've heard ignorant people say, not everyone can wear their hair natural or that it doesn't look right on everyone, I find it fascinating that people think that others don't look "right" the way they were born... Most of the flack naturals get is from people that have no idea what their own hair looks like because they've abandoned it for brightly colored heads of other peoples hair, or tresses damaged beyond repair or keep it low cut and "neat" so they don't have to deal with it... I am in no way shape or form a "Natural Nazi" condemning anything that isn't within my definition of natural... I just feel that people need to wake up and realize where these preferences and beauty aesthetics come from, mostly other ethnicities... And men need to realized that most of the bullshit women put themselves through is to attract them and most claim to adamantly abhor wigs and weaves but favor the fake rather than be caught dead with a women rocking her naturally kinky, curly nappy hair... My male followers please let me know what the deal is... Just some food for thought... BTW Good hair does not exist however damaged and conversely well cared for hair do exists which one do you have?