I really want to cry right now... Stressed beyond reason about school, current and future, an emotional wreck and I feel like I'm going to implode if I can't release some of this pressure... I need to be able to turn my feelings off but someone came along and killed my emotionless-ness... I had almost gone a year and a half without concern for anyone's thoughts of me... Sir, either your an asshole outright or your playing some sort of game and you're secretly an asshole... I don't like not knowing if it's just me over thinking or some sick joke... WTF did I do to you? Sorry but it's driving me up the freaking wall... And school is becoming a major problem, I still get all of my work done but I'm just over the whole idea of it right now, and having the uncertainty of my future weighing on me is crippling... Why can't I get into a Doctoral program, find someone who actually likes me! and go on with my well adjusted life?
I seriously need to cry, like all out bawl uncontrollably, for a night... I can feel it building but I'm scared of what that crescendo is going to be like if it doesn't happen soon... I've been sequestered in my room with Chinese food, Nostalgia/Ultra and 21 since Friday... I've felt a tear or two every so often, earlier when American Wedding was playing I thought I was going to lose it but nothing happened... I'm getting rather concerned, I cry every few months as an emotional release because there is no one I can tell all of the shit that goes on in here... Now my emotional fatigue is manifesting as headaches and insomnia, I need a therapist and about 12 hours of sleep
If I drank, I'd be absolutely wrecked, tears mixed with whiskey